A Date with Playfulness

So, when I sit to meditate, I like to burn Sage.

Regular ol' culinary Sage.

And sometimes I think about that.

I think about what is normally perceived about a person who does things like that.

And I think about where I stand on the other end of that perception.

I honestly don't do it to clear spirits or energy- though I do like the idea of the latter, and try to treat it as somewhat of a ritual of entering into stillness when I meditate.

So one day as I was burning my Sage- watching it dance and swirl around my hands and in the light coming through the windows- I thought, "Why do I do it?"

And in response, I also think:

Well, I enjoy the smell for one thing.  But I also like to just play in the smoke.

I like to see how it whirls and twirls in the light; the way it blooms up around and through my fingers and toes.

I like the heat of it on my wrist and feet.

In this moment, I'm actually thinking these things as I'm doing them, and then this really neat thing happens.

I start to realize that I have this involuntary smile that feels like it is literally lighting up my face.

And then, I realize that these thoughts have brought this energy into my body that is so buoyant, and it's just rising up and beaming right out of me!

And I start thinking about this feeling and identify it as a feeling of playfulness.

As I recognize it as playfulness, the energy just beams that much more out of me- I mean this smile felt so big;

and strong.

Robust.  Yeah.  I think that's the word for it!

And as I realize that this sense of playfulness can elevate my energy this much, I start wondering,

"Where all does this feeling show up for me in my life?"

Because it feels damn good!

And because I start to think that maybe if we can identify where it shows up for us, we can begin to understand what brings us joy;

and we can follow that joy;

and we can lead more fulfilled lives.

Or, at the very least, we can begin to use playfulness as a tool to dispel the gloomies- to lift us up out of those dark places.

So for me, this feeling often shows up in the stillness- when my thoughts and imagination can have a spotlight to play in.

Or just when I get a good idea and suddenly have this stream of thoughts of how to accomplish that idea (I usually have to write it all down).

I feel it with certain music.

I feel it when I dance.

I feel it when I sing (alone in the car, of course).

I can feel it when I'm creating something.

And then I consider the places it doesn't always show up.

And I start to think on what it feels like to feel free.

Free, that is, from the confines of expectations, anxiety, and fear.

In the stillness, in the music, in the moments where I'm creating- I'm able to step away from those things.

And I realize- when you're holding the hands of fear and anxiety, you can't hold hands with playfulness.

I think it just may be impossible.

But, if you find yourself in that place where you can't let go...

Maybe, just maybe, if you know where to find playfulness- and you make a date with it- maybe you can find your way back into the light of joy and freedom.

Welcoming Belief Without Delusion: A String of Thoughts

It began with a Christmas book I was reading to Flora: The Littlest Christmas Tree: A Tale of Growing and Becoming by Janie Jasin.

In the book, this tiny tree is dreaming of what she will become as she grows, and along the way she learns to revel in the beauty of each moment.

It ends with this beautiful paragraph:

“Thank you, Dear Creator, for Life.

Thank you for Dreams. 

Thank you for Ideas and Thoughts and Feelings. 

Most of all, thank you for choosing me to grow - just for today - 

and to know the Wonder of Your World 

and its many Possibilities.” 

As I thought about how this book touched my heart, I also thought about this idea of a "Creator."

I began thinking that we, as humans, have minds geared toward creating: 

creating stories, 

creating tools, 

creating inventions, 

creating cultures,

creating communities,

creating movements,

creating life,

etc...

In this respect, it seems only natural that we would also think of ourselves as creations.

And, thus, that we have a creator.

And considering I find myself thinking that labeling what I consider consciousness as a human-like deity a bit limiting, I considered how it had still moved my spirit.

Which took me to the thought loop of whether or not being created caused us to have creation-based thoughts and actions, or if it's the other way around.

Inside out, or outside in?

Though I think the answer matters little, I still ponder over it as this wonder of humanity that we can even ask such questions.

And as a wonder, I can see no beginning or end- or at least where it would lie.

Which gives rise to this idea of eternity and a never ending circle. 

And the wonder of these thoughts having no need of a human-like deity* for them to be expansive to my spirit.

(*I feel like I should make note that I have no judgement or shame for anyone who does feel more comfortable with a deity.)

Something inside me "pings" at just being aware of it.

Then, days later, my lovely friend and photographer, Jill England, shared a quote with me from this Instagram account that put it in a whole new perspective for me.  A small piece of it goes like this:

⍣★⍣     

"Enlightenment is not limited to any religion or education. 

      It is a very real experience... 

      The process begins with broadening the context of the 'I am.'  

      Where 'I am' no longer implies just this body with its borders being the flesh.  

      Instead this 'I am'  is the entire living world..."

⍣★⍣

And I realized that, anything that broadens our spirits and our mindful awareness; that expands our sense of love and connection to all things- 

I'M SO FOR IT! ✊

And it seems to make it to where I'm able to embrace this idea of belief in a "Creator."

Even if it isn't my way of seeing or labeling it.

Because I really have come to think that belief is just inherent to who we are as a species.

So it seems like a waste to be completely resistant to it.  I mean, to believe there is nothing to believe in is still a belief, right?

But, then, I can also see where a line could be drawn; I can see why someone might become resistant to this idea of belief.

Because all too often belief comes with delusion.

An unwillingness to be honest with ourselves and to really search within.

Too often belief is intellectualized without being internalized into our spirit.

When a person holds tight to a belief without any sense of inner worthiness, it has potential to become delusional.

Belief without a sense of  your own inner knowing can come to mean that you hold tight to what you're taught because it's what you've been taught- not necessarily because it's the best path for your soul.

On the extreme end, ungrounded belief can lead to heinous acts.

On the lighter end, it can cause people to think they need to throw their beliefs in the "non-believer's" face at every turn.

Which is no surprise if everyone else is taught at a young age- as I was when I was in church- that

 "each time you miss a chance to witness, it is potential blood on your hands."

I think about that now like ::whoa::.

Because, as a kid who was very ungrounded in my own sense of self-worth, I took that to heart!

And I'm pretty sure I was pretty annoying-haha!

But I digress.....

Christianity was the earliest stepping stone on my path to spiritual growth, but I had to step away from it to see it's real purpose in my life.

And because I can now see that undercurrent of wanting to be loved and to be worthy- and to spread that love and worthiness to others- in nearly all forms of belief,

I can now embrace it; embrace belief- play with it, take from it what I need and leave what I don't-without delusion.

And now that I know what feels right for my soul's path- and what doesn't- I can embrace it in others as well.

˃˃💛˂˂