Ask Yourself Why, and Proceed Forward

Shooting from the hip today.  Not sure which way this will go.

I've had tiny sparks here and there this week.  Moments of "Ah, I could write about that."

But truly, there is no overarching theme.

I considered writing about my anxiety crash on Sunday (brought on by too many late nights video-gaming).

I've thought some about energy.

Like I've pondered over how I am pretty sure I believe it's a real deal thing when it comes to people being successful.

Not the sleazy kind of successful, where you climb the ladder no matter how many people you have to step on.  The kind where someone is legit passionate about what they do and they come to be known as the best.

Ok, this is sparking something.  Let's go with this.

So I think that success comes in many boxes and is shaped by the person who is having the experience.

I think when we think of success as only having lots of money or having accomplished big things, we are really reducing our own inner world and all the possible outcomes we could have.

I think, to really become what it is that will make you a success, you need to focus on doing what sparks you, but not the outcome.

I think when you focus on the outcome, you actually diminish the spark.

I think I feel this way because I've done this and I've seen how things change when I shifted my thought process.

If you know me, you know that one of my preferred methods of creating is through collage.

It, at least, is the most meaningful in that it really does feel like I'm putting myself into a thing that I am creating.

A piece of a piece.  This is one of my favorites.  
It's called Transmute.  

This piece came together in under 20 minutes.
(I believe because it was that ready to be born!)

It feels so much like each piece of art is a reflection of a piece of who I am- more specifically, a piece of who I was at the moment of creating it.

I even titled my recent art show "Autobiographica" because it really feels like I am telling a story about myself with these pieces.

When I first started this round of collaging (I've been doing this on and off since I was a teenager), it was very intentionally a practice in following my intuition.

I had felt for some time that there is a small, inner voice that, if we can just learn to listen to, can guide us best in life.

Well, this was a way of starting that practice.  Very non-committal.  And I was revisiting something I had once loved doing.

I decided I'd find one piece that stuck out to me, and base everything else off of that.  It was an amazing feeling!

It felt like some kind of therapy.  It still does!

Then this thought kicked in: "Ooh!  Maybe I could do this for a living.  Maybe this is how I could make money."

Shortly after I made a few muddled pieces.  Or, at least, that's how they feel to me.  And I know it is because my motive wasn't pure anymore.

Now, I didn't really start making pieces with the intention of quitting my job, but it was as if this new pressure had been applied to what was once only pleasure.

Finally I let go of it.  I found a happy balance.  I realized that just because you love doing something, it doesn't have to become your day job.

In fact, sometimes, for that reason alone, it SHOULDN'T!  Haha!

So I kept creating and enjoying it for the process it was.

Finally (and I really do believe it's because I took that pressure off of the art form) I decided I was ready to try to sell some prints on Etsy.

I contacted a friend who works in print making (amongst many other amazing talents) and asked if I could give her my pieces to scan into the digital world.

Well, I met her in town around Christmas, and in February she asked if I wanted to participate in a Birmingham-based event called Art Crawl with her.

This opened up my whole world!  I have yet to get my prints onto Etsy, yet this event was life changing for me.

I went to this event with no expectations, and I actually sold almost everything!

And even more rewarding was being able to talk with people about my pieces- telling them my thoughts and process, and also having them tell me their thoughts.

The best is when someone tells you how one of your pieces makes them feel, or when their interpretation isn't what you put on paper- because it just expands the reality of the piece!

It took me a while to get over feeling egotistical for enjoying what I created.  I mean, really, it's very vulnerable to admit you like your own work if you are worried that others might not.

It was like I thought "What if I take it seriously, and they don't?  Then I can be laughed at, right?"

But something about leaving behind the whole "This art form could provide for me" mindset freed me of that.

Because, then, what did I have to lose?  I am the only approval I really need if this is just for me.

And if it ripples outward and has an effect in the world-awesome!

But it can't be my primary goal.  Not if I'm going to maintain my purity of process.

After the Art Crawl, I was invited for a radio interview (A RADIO INTERVIEW!!!!!)

That felt really huge for me.  Then I was invited to bring my pieces to a fundraiser event.

THEN I was asked if a year would be enough time to get a gallery show ready at my local museum!

Before you start thinking I'm tooting my own horn here, I say all of this because I really don't think all of these things would have happened if my energy had continued to be focused on the outcome.

I mean, a lot of people out there who are the best at what they do-it has become obvious to me that they really and truly have a passion to do it!  That they follow that thing that makes them spark!

And it gives a whole new dimension to those people I can feel embarrassed for.

You know what I mean.

Like when you watch someone perform a song, a dance, or make a piece of art and you just feel embarrassed for them (which, let's just be honest, I think is just us putting ourselves in their shoes and feeling embarrassed for ourselves.)

Now I think it may be possible that that feeling comes from sensing something disingenuous about the whole thing.

I mean, how many of us walk around, day to day, with expectations of ourselves that don't really meet our true identities?

Maybe it's because we want to be a certain image so bad that we force it into being.

Maybe it's because we have been severely misguided.

Maybe we're just trying on different hats until we find the one that fits.

Hell, I've tried on a shit ton of hats.  I still try them on.....

I think more than anything, my thoughts on this subject are stimulating me because it makes me take off labels like "good" and "bad" from these experiences- you know, being embarrassed or being successful.

When you take those labels away, everything e x p a n d s.  And then there is just so much more that can be learned from them!

Each experience we have is just that- an experience.  It can make us feel a number of different ways.

Those feelings, I believe, are part of our intuition.  They are indicators for our path forward.

Something makes you uncomfortable?  Cool, it means don't go in that direction.

Something makes you feel a ZING!  Great!  Follow that!

Just don't get stuck labeling those things as only good or bad.  Ask yourself why, and proceed forward.