In Flow

It's funny how a journey works.

You spend a lot of time hearing about others', fantasizing about telling your own tale, and don't even realize that it is already in the making.

I realized this today. 

See, I am, for the first time in my life, considering embarking on and investing in myself in a way I never have.

Through a series of sparks, I am now quite seriously considering training to become a Health Coach.

It's crossed my mind in the past, but I never gave much time to entertaining the thought.

I did, once upon a time, Google what it meant to be a Health Coach.

I found some articles that were stuff like "Health Coaching vs. Therapy," with arguments and agreements on each side as to which one was "best."

In this same search I found an extremely bland website that had some training courses starting at around $2000.

At that time-and many times with past interests- I saw that number and filed it away as just a whim.

I jumped on the "I can't afford that so I can't have that," boat and sailed off to some other interest.

But recently, through a string of inspirational interviews and website searches, I found an Institute that I think might be a good fit for me.

One of the indicators to me that this is a serious interest this time, is that the tuition is between $5000 and $7000 dollars, yet the first thing that came to mind was how to save/raise money toward this goal.

WHAT?!

That has literally never happened to me in this situation.

So I'm listening. 

I don't know how long it'll take me to get there.  I'm considering using any money I can make from selling my artwork to go toward that fund.

I've got an idea or two brewing in the back of my head, but I won't go into all those details here.

I've been cautious thus far in even mentioning this to anyone because of my habit of becoming very excited about an idea and not staying committed.

In fact, I'm even starting to view that habit in a different light.

Up until now I've seen it as a way to validate this deeply wired and troublesome story I tell myself- that I can't trust myself.

"Oh, that's just me.  Overexcited and under-motivated."

But now, knowing what I know- that you must engage interest to find your passion- I think, "Huh.  Maybe it's not that I'm a failure at commitment.  Maybe I'm just still searching."

I can at least say that I certainly like that story much better.

And it feels like, moving forward on this path, I would not just be moving in the direction of doing work that is fulfilling- though that I believe it would be.

It feels like taking the next step is actually honoring that I can trust myself.

Honoring that I actually know who I am, and what I'm good at.

I mean to say that I have begun to realize that I believe it is my truest self that wants to connect to others.  That wants to help others.

It is the one thing that comes to mind when the question is asked, "What comes as naturally to you as breathing?"

Humorously, my first answer to that is TALKING!  DUH!

But really, the why beneath the why- why do I love to talk?- is because talking with someone, sharing stories, is connecting.

So back to this idea of a journey.

I found myself thinking back to what got me here, in this place, where such a change could occur.

At first I thought, "It's art.  Art is where it started."  Because this current chapter of my story did start there.

With a book, actually.  The Artist's Way  (this is not an affiliate link, just fyi)

It was given to me by my dear friend, Amy.  In this book was instructions to make a list of 20 things you liked to do, regardless of how long it had been since you last did them.

On that list of 20 things, one that I chose to re-engage was collage.

This simple act brought me, several years later, to the place where I could sell my work; having yet a new experience I'd never had before- a feeling of confidence in and fulfillment from something I created.

And, also, furthering my journey toward self-trust.

But then I thought, "No, it goes back further than that, even."

And, again, a transformation was sparked by yet another book, given to me by yet another great friend.

So Alice gave me Personal Power Through Awareness.* (also not an affiliate link)

*Disclaimer: You do NOT have to believe in Orin (the spirit guide in the intro to this book) to get something out of this book.  I know I didn't.

It is actually what took me down this side path to becoming more aware of my truest self- something that I now believe we're all doing, whether consciously or not.

And that side path is what was able to lead me to the next side path, and now to this.

Putting it all together I nearly laughed as I saw this as my journey.

And smiling at the thought that I never knew one thing was going to lead to the next.

The thought of all of that what felt like dead space in between.  All the waiting it felt like I was doing.

I was transforming all the while!

And to add complexity to it all, I became a mother right in the middle of it all!  Haha!

So there it is. 

It may not be the very beginning, but when I look back to where things all started to change and take on new meaning, that's where it's at.

For anyone who may be interested in what institutes I'm considering, the one at the top of my oh-so-short list is this one.

If you have any insight, input, or advice, let me know!

Thanks for witnessing this journey with me, whoever you may be out there reading this!