For me, at least
I mean, thank goodness I let go of the expectation to sit in total mental silence for 10 minutes.
There's no way!
I mean, can anyone?
For me, when I sit still, that's when my mind takes off. It's as if it's just waiting for me to pay attention.
Which is fine. I just acknowledge what wants to be seen, and try to come back to the breath.
But I didn't actually intend this whole thing to be about meditation. Nope. Just like last week, there have been a few things floating around in this head of mine.
(It's kinda neat. Instead of stressing out too much about it, I just kinda think "Well, when I start typing I'm sure what wants to come out will." And I suppose it does.)
The beginning of the week brought me to thoughts of mental chatter and how it relates to writing.
So I've been on a Marie Forleo kick for a few months now, and she interviews so many inspiring people!
She was interviewing a writer (and to be honest I really can't remember which one it was...possibly Elizabeth Gilbert, Cheryl Strayed, Brene Brown or Danielle Laporte-I'm fairly sure it was at least one of those......) and she (the writer) said something along the lines of how
she thought something was wrong with her when she was younger because
she always had these stories, these scenarios, going through her mind.
She thought she might have been crazy.
Well, as I was riding to work the other morning, and my mind was in super chatter mode (which is kinda hilarious because I had skipped meditation that morning and decided my ride to work would be my meditation......) what that woman had said sparked to memory.
You know, I used to write when I was younger. It has never been a passion, per say, but there has always been something inside of me that releases when I do.
In fact, taking to my journal as much as I have lately is part of what got me to thinking, "Maybe I should take up the ol' blog again."
(That, and maaaaaybe this interview with Seth Godin )
I must say,
knowing I'm going to sit at this keyboard each week and type out whatever my mind wants to release
is something I actually look forward to.
Anyway, another thing that my mind connected to this thought was
*ding ding ding*
Anne! Of Green Gables!
**Disclaimer: You will most likely have to endure much talk about Anne over the next little while here in this inter-space. I'm reading the book. Anne is my hero. And there is just no avoiding it.
One of the things that has always made me feel connected to Anne is how much she talks.
I can't begin to tell you how often I feel like that girl that is way too chatty.
That I'm a misfit is always lingering in the recesses of my mind, waiting to tell me all the reasons someone might not like me or may become upset with me.
(If I could count the number of times I've had to stop myself from over-explainig something to someone just because that voice pops up.....)
And I think what makes Anne my hero, is that she is still so completely HER. No matter how many times she has been talked down to, no matter how many times she's told she shouldn't.be.herself. - even by well-meaning Marilla- she doesn't really back down.
And to bring it on back...
You know, Anne becomes a writer :D (Well, sort of....right in the middle there she did......)
And that's pretty much it on connecting that thought-haha!
I still write in my journal, though. Not near as much as I was, but I do whenever something really strikes me; when a train of thought just feels too powerful to contain.
I've also come to value the idea of emailing your friends.
In a way, they can be like journal entries, but shared with someone. And I always come around to wanting to share when I get really excited.
(Life's so much more fun when you share, don't ya think?)
Writing to a friend feels so much healthier than writing to the world via social media, too. I mean, I still do that sometimes, but it can make you feel overstretched.
I don't think I fully realized it's value until just this week.
As I said earlier, I found myself in a flurry of thought on my way to work a few days ago ( you remember? the ride where I was totally gonna meditate?)
Since my thoughts seemed so intent on creating a story, I just let them. (maybe that was the meditation.....)
They swirled from what I was going to write this week (like a full blown conversation, it was**), to thoughts concerning a conundrum over a potential gathering I'd recently put aside (because of the conundrum, of course).
**please go back and read that in swarthy pirate-speak...or maybe some kind of proper English. the internal voice was something in between there**
But they were so dang excited! The thoughts.
They needed to burst forth somewhere.
So burst forth they did. Into an email. To a friend.
Not that the emailing was never valuable before. (I'm not just saying that because she's gonna read this ...... )
But as it took form as a conversation in my head, it began to transform. Had that conversation went to social media instead, it would have been different. It would have been in a different voice.
Not that it would have been a terrible thing, it would have just been......different. Because it would have had a different set of parameters and made up expectations put on it.
Which brings me around to yet one more thought for this week.
Expectations.
(Sure, maybe I could wait until another week to write this instead of just tacking it on. But why wait when it took form just moments before writing? I mean, we all know I'm long-winded by now, riiiiiiight?)
I'm starting to realize I have a lot of expectations. They mostly revolve around not being inconvenienced.
Nothing has made me realize this more than having a child.
They just hang out in the background- I mean, I don't even know they're there- and then Flora spills something.
I wanna react.
Why?!
Because I expect not to be inconvenienced to have to clean something up, I suppose.
But those times when I let it all melt away as quick as I let the reaction come.....now that feels right.
In those moments, without even realizing it before, I was letting go of expectation.
I was letting it be what it was. And I was doing what needed to be done.
Maybe this sounds simple. It kinda is. But it isn't always simple to practice.
At least not for me.
So these are the thoughts that crept in during my "meditation." (to which I had to say "alright, alright. i see you. now shoo. i promise to write about it.")
Because meditating was once something I held a certain expectation for.
And ya know what? I didn't meditate!
In fact, the only reason I took it back up was out of desperation over my own reactivity.
Reactivity to what? To EX-PEC-TATION!
The funny thing? I didn't quite see expectation as the key to the reactivity when I made the decision to meditate.
I just knew I had to do something to slow it down. And I knew the moments when I didn't react always left me feeling WAY better than when I did.
And seeing these thoughts for what they were, I also realized:
a lot of the steps forward- the ones I've taken in the realm of what is invisible ( ya know, within myself?) -have all been made possible when I've released certain expectations.
When I've ceased to put labels like "good" and "bad" on them.
Not saying it isn't a constant practice of its own, but it sure does put things in perspective.
So...anybody out there got any expectations they wanna release?
I mean, thank goodness I let go of the expectation to sit in total mental silence for 10 minutes.
There's no way!
I mean, can anyone?
For me, when I sit still, that's when my mind takes off. It's as if it's just waiting for me to pay attention.
Which is fine. I just acknowledge what wants to be seen, and try to come back to the breath.
But I didn't actually intend this whole thing to be about meditation. Nope. Just like last week, there have been a few things floating around in this head of mine.
(It's kinda neat. Instead of stressing out too much about it, I just kinda think "Well, when I start typing I'm sure what wants to come out will." And I suppose it does.)
The beginning of the week brought me to thoughts of mental chatter and how it relates to writing.
So I've been on a Marie Forleo kick for a few months now, and she interviews so many inspiring people!
She was interviewing a writer (and to be honest I really can't remember which one it was...possibly Elizabeth Gilbert, Cheryl Strayed, Brene Brown or Danielle Laporte-I'm fairly sure it was at least one of those......) and she (the writer) said something along the lines of how
she thought something was wrong with her when she was younger because
she always had these stories, these scenarios, going through her mind.
She thought she might have been crazy.
Well, as I was riding to work the other morning, and my mind was in super chatter mode (which is kinda hilarious because I had skipped meditation that morning and decided my ride to work would be my meditation......) what that woman had said sparked to memory.
You know, I used to write when I was younger. It has never been a passion, per say, but there has always been something inside of me that releases when I do.
In fact, taking to my journal as much as I have lately is part of what got me to thinking, "Maybe I should take up the ol' blog again."
(That, and maaaaaybe this interview with Seth Godin )
I must say,
knowing I'm going to sit at this keyboard each week and type out whatever my mind wants to release
is something I actually look forward to.
Anyway, another thing that my mind connected to this thought was
*ding ding ding*
Anne! Of Green Gables!
**Disclaimer: You will most likely have to endure much talk about Anne over the next little while here in this inter-space. I'm reading the book. Anne is my hero. And there is just no avoiding it.
One of the things that has always made me feel connected to Anne is how much she talks.
I can't begin to tell you how often I feel like that girl that is way too chatty.
That I'm a misfit is always lingering in the recesses of my mind, waiting to tell me all the reasons someone might not like me or may become upset with me.
(If I could count the number of times I've had to stop myself from over-explainig something to someone just because that voice pops up.....)
And I think what makes Anne my hero, is that she is still so completely HER. No matter how many times she has been talked down to, no matter how many times she's told she shouldn't.be.herself. - even by well-meaning Marilla- she doesn't really back down.
And to bring it on back...
You know, Anne becomes a writer :D (Well, sort of....right in the middle there she did......)
And that's pretty much it on connecting that thought-haha!
I still write in my journal, though. Not near as much as I was, but I do whenever something really strikes me; when a train of thought just feels too powerful to contain.
I've also come to value the idea of emailing your friends.
In a way, they can be like journal entries, but shared with someone. And I always come around to wanting to share when I get really excited.
(Life's so much more fun when you share, don't ya think?)
Writing to a friend feels so much healthier than writing to the world via social media, too. I mean, I still do that sometimes, but it can make you feel overstretched.
I don't think I fully realized it's value until just this week.
As I said earlier, I found myself in a flurry of thought on my way to work a few days ago ( you remember? the ride where I was totally gonna meditate?)
Since my thoughts seemed so intent on creating a story, I just let them. (maybe that was the meditation.....)
They swirled from what I was going to write this week (like a full blown conversation, it was**), to thoughts concerning a conundrum over a potential gathering I'd recently put aside (because of the conundrum, of course).
**please go back and read that in swarthy pirate-speak...or maybe some kind of proper English. the internal voice was something in between there**
But they were so dang excited! The thoughts.
They needed to burst forth somewhere.
So burst forth they did. Into an email. To a friend.
Not that the emailing was never valuable before. (I'm not just saying that because she's gonna read this ...... )
But as it took form as a conversation in my head, it began to transform. Had that conversation went to social media instead, it would have been different. It would have been in a different voice.
Not that it would have been a terrible thing, it would have just been......different. Because it would have had a different set of parameters and made up expectations put on it.
Which brings me around to yet one more thought for this week.
Expectations.
(Sure, maybe I could wait until another week to write this instead of just tacking it on. But why wait when it took form just moments before writing? I mean, we all know I'm long-winded by now, riiiiiiight?)
I'm starting to realize I have a lot of expectations. They mostly revolve around not being inconvenienced.
Nothing has made me realize this more than having a child.
They just hang out in the background- I mean, I don't even know they're there- and then Flora spills something.
I wanna react.
Why?!
Because I expect not to be inconvenienced to have to clean something up, I suppose.
But those times when I let it all melt away as quick as I let the reaction come.....now that feels right.
In those moments, without even realizing it before, I was letting go of expectation.
I was letting it be what it was. And I was doing what needed to be done.
Maybe this sounds simple. It kinda is. But it isn't always simple to practice.
At least not for me.
So these are the thoughts that crept in during my "meditation." (to which I had to say "alright, alright. i see you. now shoo. i promise to write about it.")
Because meditating was once something I held a certain expectation for.
And ya know what? I didn't meditate!
In fact, the only reason I took it back up was out of desperation over my own reactivity.
Reactivity to what? To EX-PEC-TATION!
The funny thing? I didn't quite see expectation as the key to the reactivity when I made the decision to meditate.
I just knew I had to do something to slow it down. And I knew the moments when I didn't react always left me feeling WAY better than when I did.
And seeing these thoughts for what they were, I also realized:
a lot of the steps forward- the ones I've taken in the realm of what is invisible ( ya know, within myself?) -have all been made possible when I've released certain expectations.
When I've ceased to put labels like "good" and "bad" on them.
Not saying it isn't a constant practice of its own, but it sure does put things in perspective.
So...anybody out there got any expectations they wanna release?
No comments:
Post a Comment