"Phoenix Moments"

Hello.  Here I am again.

Phoenix moments......yeah.  So about that.....

This is a phrase that popped into my mind this week.  Probably because having one seems imminent right now.

First, let's explore the concept.  

You know Phoenixes, right?  

Those mythological fire birds that eventually burn up in flames only to rise from their own ashes again?

Yeah...... that's what I'm referring to.  So for me, a "phoenix moment" is where I pull one of those.

I first recognized the pattern when I revisited collaging about two years ago.  I would put a piece together and it would feel so.damn.good.  

The first collage I created  when said "Phoenix Pattern" was recognized.  Two years later, and I just had my very first art show at the local museum!

Over the next few weeks I would still be grasping at that feeling, in a slow decent of turmoil over the fact that I couldn't quite catch it.

I would eventually hit an emotional rock bottom, and, Voilà!, inspiration would come into a new piece.

I was, in an emotionally literal way, the Phoenix burning up in flames, then rising from those ashes.

Once I saw it for what it was, I understood it and was able to move past the suffering it caused me.  

At least, in regards to creating art.

The pattern is still there.  

Sure, I've overcome it in different aspects of my life, but the underlying code is still programmed in.

I know, because I still see the cycle manifest itself in different ways.

It is manifesting right now.

Energy shifts.  It always does.  It's natural.  But this Phoenix don't. wanna. hear it!

This Phoenix says "Yeah, but that last shift, that last routine, it was really working for me.  Just let me hold onto it.  Pleeeeeeease."  

Then, in a petulant child's voice, it whines,  "But I don't waaaaant it to chaaaaange!"

And I fight the shift.  I retreat to my head.  I suppose it's my sanctuary, even in times where it's filled with turmoil.

Right now that space is filled with thoughts like "Just let it happen.  Go with the flow.  It's natural.  It's not a problem.  Stop fighting.  Let it be what it is."  But then there are other thoughts battling to be seen.  The ones with the petulant child's voice.  

Oh yeah.  It's a real soap opera up there right now.

I guess the cool thing, though, is that I recognize it, right?   Up until now I've only battled it in this area of my life.  But now I seeeeeee it.

That's right Phoenix Pattern.  I see you!

I had a moment in the car just yesterday where I not only saw this cycle, but I saw it for what it really was/is.

(Are you ready for it?)

It is an outdated mode of protection.

Yep!

Something in my subconscious thinks that this is something I HAVE to go through in order to evolve past this moment.  

There is something in my ego that is attached to a forced break down in order to rise again with new insight.

In this case, I don't want to let go of the shift I attained this past September.  

In that shift, I got really clear and really motivated to gain more control of my life. 

I started getting up at 6 AM (no snooze button, mind you) and exercising every.damn.day.  I stopped brain-numbing (read as: staring at the phone and/or TV an inordinate amount of time).  

Admittedly, this shift was its own Phoenix Moment.  

But regardless of the fact, I was MO-TI-VAT-ED.

But not now.  With spring moving in, you'd think the energy level would rise.

Nope!

It is a slow, crashing decent at the moment.  

So what to do about this?

I think I've come up with a two part solution:

1)Let it be.  

Seriously.  It is what it is.  It does what it does.  

Ignoring it only feeds it.  Fighting it only feeds the suffering it causes me.  

I just need to let go of the idea that is SHOULDN'T be happening.  

Yeah, that September routine really kicked me into gear for the winter season, but it really is ok to let it go.  To let it shift.  To trust.

and

2)Get out of my head and back into my body!  

Who cares if I'm motivated to do it?!  I need to just do it!

To get started, I'm about to go clean the hell out of my bathroom!  

One step at a time, baby.  One step at a time.

So, got any Phoenix Moments you wanna share?